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#794290 - 02/08/10 06:44 PM
BLACK AND WHITE DREAMS
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Mackie H.
Serious Contributor
Registered: 09/20/09
Posts: 1810
Loc: Tennessee
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CLARIFYING REWRITE----- WHAT DO YOU THINK?
BLACK AND WHITE DREAMS
©2010 Mackie Humphries
V1
I take a blank sheet of paper
And ask myself why it’s over
I write some things to ponder
Then close my eyes and wonder.
V2
In slow motion the pictures flow
Two actors upon the stage
Thunder rolls and wind blows
Images dance across the page
PRE
Before my eyes moves my whole life
As we walk away without goodbye
CH
Time flashes pictures
Upon a silver screen
That brings together
The hurting things
Our love’s fading
In the final scenes
To become forgotten
Black and white dreams.
BR
With a loud applause
The actors take a bow
Then the curtain draws
To the cheering crowd
PRE
Before my eyes moves my whole life
As we walk away without goodbye
CH
Time flashes pictures
Upon a silver screen
That brings together
The hurting things
Our love’s fading
In the final scenes
To become forgotten
Black and white dreams.
TAG
To become forgotten
Black and White Dreams........
----ORIGINAL------
NEW LYRIC TO PONDER--COMMENTS--MILD RE-WRITE
BLACK AND WHITE DREAMS
©2010 Mackie Humphries
V1
I take a fresh sheet of paper
Write my best thought down
At the bottom things I’m not over
I close my eyes without a sound
V2
In slow motion the pictures flow
We ‘re pretending upon the stage
A storm moves in as the wind blows
I open my eyes to the full page
PRE
Right before me unfolds my life
We walk away without goodbye
CH
Time flashes pictures
Upon the silver screen
That brings together
Black and white dreams
Angry words spoken
In the big scenes
Are soon forgotten
Black and white dreams.
V3
I say I’m sorry
Now I’ll walk on alone
But the path is too rocky
With you still gone
PRE
Right before me unfolds my life
We walk away without goodbye
CH
Time flashes pictures
Upon the silver screen
That brings together
Black and white dreams
Angry words spoken
In the big scenes
Are soon forgotten
Black and white dreams.
TAG
You’re still gone............
Black and White Dreams
Mackie
Edited by MJH (02/10/10 04:03 PM)
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#794351 - 02/09/10 12:28 AM
Re: BLACK AND WHITE DREAMS
[Re: Mackie H.]
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My Stunt Brain
Serious Contributor
Registered: 11/17/09
Posts: 907
Loc: Sioux Falls, SD
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Very strong chorus Mackie, and a cool groove to this. I won't swear I know what it all means, but I seem to like it for some reason. Very cool.
JD
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#794486 - 02/09/10 06:27 PM
Re: BLACK AND WHITE DREAMS
[Re: My Stunt Brain]
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Mackie H.
Serious Contributor
Registered: 09/20/09
Posts: 1810
Loc: Tennessee
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JD--
I appreciate your input--You have sparked a clarifying re-write.
See if you can get the story now.
Thanks--
Mackie
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#794488 - 02/09/10 06:28 PM
Re: BLACK AND WHITE DREAMS
[Re: Mackie H.]
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Doug Dude
Top 100 Poster
Registered: 01/11/09
Posts: 2812
Loc: Montreal, Quebec, Canada
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I am going along with JD. I like what you have but I am not to sure what it is about.
Doug
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#794489 - 02/09/10 06:31 PM
Re: BLACK AND WHITE DREAMS
[Re: Doug Dude]
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Mackie H.
Serious Contributor
Registered: 09/20/09
Posts: 1810
Loc: Tennessee
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Doug--
Thanks for your visit--I just posted a clarifying re-write above the original--See if you get the story better now.
Thanks--
Mackie
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#794509 - 02/09/10 08:50 PM
Re: BLACK AND WHITE DREAMS
[Re: Mackie H.]
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Doug Dude
Top 100 Poster
Registered: 01/11/09
Posts: 2812
Loc: Montreal, Quebec, Canada
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That is a little clearer Mackie. Good re-write.
Doug
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#794567 - 02/10/10 04:41 AM
Re: BLACK AND WHITE DREAMS
[Re: Doug Dude]
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nightengale
Serious Contributor
Registered: 03/17/09
Posts: 1590
Loc: Eugene, Or USA
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Mackie,
It's a good rewrite, nice song!
Geneva
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#794764 - 02/10/10 03:57 PM
Re: BLACK AND WHITE DREAMS
[Re: nightengale]
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Mackie H.
Serious Contributor
Registered: 09/20/09
Posts: 1810
Loc: Tennessee
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Geneva,
Thanks for visiting and your comments.
Mackie
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