JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback MP3 Feedback Forum A Stranger ... raw vocals, last arrangement ... for feedback

Hey guys,

We've been working with niteshift on doing justice to this song for a while. This is where we're at now. Warning: the work's not finished yet, this is still a work-in-progress. Feedback much appreciated, as always, helps us seeing things we all tend not to see when working too closely on our songs :-)
Tell us what you think. Thanks a lot.

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=8896093

A STRANGER TOLD ME YOU WERE GONE
© 2009 YANN CAUSERET - GEOFF WOOD
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

V1
The cat is crouching near the fish bowl
A man is waving on the screen
The world is still lost in their dreams
The clouds are gathering in silence
A car is coasting down the street
The upstairs neighbors do not sleep

CH.
I DROP THE PHONE AND LEAVE MY HEART TO DO ITS BEST
I WISH YOU COULD HAVE SEEN THE DAWN
I COULDN’T BE THERE, SOMETHING’S BUILDING UP IN MY CHEST
A STRANGER TOLD ME YOU WERE GONE

V2
I’m standing right here by the window
The night is creeping off the square
You never sat in that new chair
The clock is ticking hours and seconds
I clear my throat, search for a prayer
Don’t want the kids to think life’s unfair

CH.

BRIDGE
I’m scared to look now
At the rest of my life
When all I’m feeling now is trial and fear
I need to look back
On the best of our lives
So I can see your face; it’s always near

V3
The phone is mute; a bird is singing
These ringing echoes in my head
The sound of something you once said
Another day when we were sunlit
Another day when we were blessed
No time, no meaning, start or end

CH.
CH.

I remember this one, I always liked it. It has that timeless 70's feel that will work in any decade. I like a lot of the additions that were made.

What kind of feedback are you looking for? This mix sounds like a total mess to me (ha, ha), so I don't know where to start.

It's a good song and Geoff knows what he is doing, so I know it will turn out pretty dang good!

Edit: I could be wrong, but my problem with the mix is that everything seems to have an equal presence. Some things need to be accented, others moved back. Is everything in the middle? Need to move things around in the stereo field, too.

Kevin

Hi Yann

yes - this is a real good song....... i want to drop the adds down mostly behind the sung sections - all the instrument parts seem good just too much happening when and where the words should sit on top... same with the drums.....
the melody is solid -- singing has a bit much effects in places - I'd prefer pure vocals......
the lyric is also very solid..... so I would just recommend punching in vocal takes over trying to pitch and speed corrections electronically....

looking forward to the final mix on this. jm

I like the lyric but I'm kind of with Kevin.
The mix seems a mess, almost like a bad upload or something. So not much to comment on.
On a second listen I can hear some really good stuff going on in the tracks. I'm not sure about the vocals though. It almost like auto tune is being used.

Hey guys (Kevin, Joice, Bill),

thanks much for your visit and comments.

I won't talk much about the mix and production stuff: I just wanted to emphasize that the job's really not finished yet, especially in that field. As it's really nite's job, maybe he'll want to add something.

But what we mostly changed since the last version posted here is:
we changed the structure a bit,
we added and changed some lyrics,
the drums and groove were fine-tuned,
instrumentation and contrapuntal lines were written into this arrangement you can hear now.

Those are the areas we think are almost finished. And we'd like to know if you think the same or if you think of something that could enhance the project :-)

Thanks again for chiming in, always much appreciated. Take care,

Yann

It feels ... crowded. I like the voice (reminds me of Syd Barrett and early Pink Floyd). But the whole arrangement is "too much". Perhaps it is due to the mix (everything equally prominent) - perhaps it is simply too many elements distracting of the heart of the song (= melody, harmonies, lyrics).

At the same time there seem to be great ideas in these distractions, too. I do like the overall mood of this song! I think you should reduce it to it's basics (lead-vox, drums, bass, guitar-chords) and then add the best of the ideas - but not always and everywhere, just "a bit of coulour to bring it up" and keep it interesting.

Not sure if this makes any sense ...

Hey McLight,

this makes perfect sense :-)

Seems there's been a problem with the file, I think it's mono or something ... which could explain for the clutter and the 'toomuchinessofitall', lol.

Thanks for your kind words, take care,

Yann

Hi Yann,

I remember this one too. I like the lyric changes you've made and agree that this one might do better with a more simple arrangement.
It's a haunting lyric and the music would be more powerful if it was more stark, but that's just me. Keep us updated as you go.

Ricki